Your Will Be DonePosted: November 25, 2009
I was asked today about where I was on my faith journey. I’ll confess that I didn’t answer the question very well at the time and as a result have had it ticking away at the back of my mind ever since. When I was a youngster I believed what I was told to believe and prayed or tried to pray in the way that I was told. Somehow or other I was always too busy and active to linger in bed and say a morning offering. As a young adult I questioned a lot of things about my faith but I continued to practice as a catholic. My faith was one thing in my life I could depend upon. It was around this time that I started to pray for things to happen. I wanted a job. I wanted a job in another place. I wanted a husband. And oh how I wanted babies! The whole Conception/Pregnancy saga was the greatest test of my faith so far and I daresay it was the same for my husband although he doesn’t talk about it. Once Eric, then Daniel were here I would pray for God to make me a good mother and a good teacher, to help me do the best I could in all my jobs.
However life doesn’t go to plan and really the events surrounding the birth of Eric and then Daniel were just the start of life not going to plan. I didn’t plan on having a premie baby, not being able to breastfeed, having post natal depression or returning to work in term 4 to teach Year 7! I didn’t plan on a baby with severe reflux and even more post natal depression. I wasn’t intending on continuing to suffer from anxiety and depression in varying degrees until the present day. I certainly wasn’t going to have burnout in 2007 or decide to give up my job in 2009.
But all of those things were in God’s plan for me. They have made me the person I am today and I wouldn’t change any of them. What I would change and have changed to a certain extent is my acceptance of these things. I start to pray and start asking God for things and then I stop and wonder what God’s plan for me is in all of this. Then I start to pray again and this time it is simply for the strength to handle whatever life will throw at me. I trust that God will only send me things that I can handle or learn to handle and this trust has given me great peace. The phrase “Your will be done” as spoken by Jesus in the garden at Gethsemane constantly springs to mind. God is going to continue to challenge me with events in my life but I can handle anything because if my faith in Him. I don’t need to endlessly petition him for what I want. He will give me what I need.